it’s raining…
last week was a tough one for amy and i. her grandfather, reese, past away last monday at the age of 81. he was a great man whom we both admired and loved dearly. he was everything to amy, and it broke her heart to have to say goodbye. i started writing this a few days after he died, sitting in my office on a rainy afternoon. it’s not finished yet (i don’t think), but i felt i should post it today anyway…
it’s raining…
“not hard enough.” i think to myself, as i watch the lazy beads slowly trickle down the window panes. a little harder and it may have done the trick. washed it all away - the pain, the anger, the sadness, the emptiness. i watch as she strains with all her might to lift the corners of her mouth, just high enough that she might hide behind them. but her eyes give her away. they always do. perhaps the only flaw i’ve noticed since my obsession with them began so many nights ago. they are big, beautiful. they are trying hard not to blink. they know that would expose her; expose the truth. letting it slowly trickle down her cheeks; glistening banners for all to see. blink…
it’s raining…
“i know it’s hard.” the words fall from my mouth, and i cringe as they shatter on the floor. “you don’t know shit!” i imagine her screaming while picking up the shards and throwing them back in my face. but she says nothing. she slowly walks toward me and buries her face in the side of my neck as she collapses in my arms. she holds me tight. tighter than she ever has before. as if she’s afraid to let go and fall. i try to hold us up, but the weight is too much. we fall. together. the entire world rushes past us and all we can hear is the wind rushing over our ears. i lean in close so my lips touch her salty cheek. i mouth the familiar words knowing that, in this moment, they mean nothing… everything. we fall…
it’s raining…
R.I.P. Reese Allen Drayer
Husband, Father, Grandfather, Great-Grandfather, Friend, Hero
